


Everybody knows it's all about the things that get stuck inside of your head

by Stormynightmare26



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders Needs a Hug, Background Dr. Emile Picani, Eating Disorders, Good Boyfriend Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Hurt Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, M/M, Panic Attacks, Self-Harm, Unsympathetic Morality | Patton Sanders
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-22
Updated: 2020-09-22
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:40:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 952
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26593042
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stormynightmare26/pseuds/Stormynightmare26
Summary: Virgil is not okay. Roman helps. Rated teen for self harm and eating disorder talk. MIND THE TAGS. Patton is only unsympathetic in Virgil's head
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders
Comments: 3
Kudos: 71





	Everybody knows it's all about the things that get stuck inside of your head

**Author's Note:**

> Tw: disordered eating, self harm, slight unsympathetic Patton

Virgil looked up and down his body in the mirror. He couldn’t help but notice all the little things he hated about it. He hated the way his thighs jiggled when he moved. He hated the stretch marks on his hips. He hated his stomach. He hated how round his face was and how he sometimes looked like he had a double chin. He hated every little thing about his body.

  
The words of his therapist rung in his head: “When you feel bad about your body, try to find something you like to put things into perspective.”

  
Virgil sighed and mumbled to himself “My makeup looks okay today.”

  
With that sad affirmation, he pulled on the oversized hoodie he had stolen from Roman, his boyfriend, and walked downstairs to confront the world.

  
The kitchen smelled of pancakes, bacon, eggs, and fresh coffee. The table was laid with a feast of various breakfast items. Virgil shuffled past all of this to the refrigerator and pulled out a zero sugar monster and a handful of grapes. He had almost escaped the kitchen unnoticed when Patton turned around and shot a look at the food in Virgil’s hands.

  
“Is that all you’re having?” he asked in a soft voice. The words pierced Virgil’s thin facade like a knife. He felt tears welling up in his eyes as he turned from Patton, mumbling something about being not hungry.

  
He reached his room and slid down the wall until he was curled up on the floor, his attempt at a breakfast discarded on the floor next to him. He felt a sob catch in his throat as tears ran down his face, smearing his makeup and destroying his one shield against the world. He tore off Roman’s hoodie and pulled a pillow off his bed to cry into. He heard Patton’s words over and over again as his ears pounded. With each repeat of the words, Patton distorted into a horrific being, his words like needles into Virgil’s heart.

  
Virgil felt himself raking his nails down his back and felt as though his heart was going to leap out of his throat.

  
**“Is that all you’re having?** ” monster-Patton spat at him in his head. Another sob wracked his body.

  
**“Is that all you’re having?”**

  
He felt himself spiraling. Dr. Picani will be mad. Roman will be mad. Patton will be mad. He’s not good enough. He’ll never be good enough for anyone.

  
**“Is that all you’re having?”**

  
His head pounded to the beat of his insecurities. Nobody wants to love the embodiment of anxiety. He doesn’t deserve Roman. He doesn’t deserve his love. He doesn’t deserve anyone’s love. He…

  
A pounding at the door interrupted his dark chain of thoughts.

  
“You ok in there, Stormcloud?” he heard Roman ask, his voice quiet behind the pounding in Virgil’s ears.

  
“Stormcloud?” Roman repeated before pulling the door open to find Virgil clenched on the floor in the fetal position. Blood was beading up on the thin scratches on his back. An energy drink and some grapes sat on the floor next to him, clearly ignored.

  
“Virgil? Virgil? Look at me love.” Roman said, sounding closer now. Virgil slowly pulled his head up to see Roman kneeling next to him. The pounding in his head started to subside with Roman’s presence.

  
“Is touch alright love?” Roman asked.

  
Virgil simply nodded and pulled his head into Roman’s chest. A worry passed his mind about getting makeup on his white shirt, but that was quickly swept up into the hurricane of panic in his brain. As he sat in Roman’s arms he felt his swirling brain start to slow down. The time between sobs increased and he was able to take a deep breath. Roman felt this shift and looked down at him.

  
“You alright, love? Do you want to talk about anything?” Roman asked.

  
“It’s-” Virgil trailed off, “It’s fine. I’m fine.” His voice shook and he felt another wave of panic well up inside him.

  
“Alright love. Can I get your back cleaned up?” Roman replied in a soft voice.

  
“My… back?”

  
Roman nodded. “You scratched yourself up pretty bad.”

  
“Oh. Uh, yeah I guess” Virgil mumbled.

  
Roman grabbed a dark blue washcloth and began cleaning up his back. As he did this, Virgil’s muscles began to unclench and he settled back into his body. When Roman was done, he pulled himself up to the bed and gestured for Roman to follow him. He grabbed his computer, opened up Netflix, and turned on some mindless cartoon as he curled up against his boyfriend. The two of them sat there for what felt like an eternity before Virgil finally spoke.

  
“I’m sorry,” he said in a shaky voice “I’m a mess.”

  
Roman ran his fingers through his boyfriend’s hair. “It’s okay love. You’re okay. I love you.”

  
Virgil nodded. “Love you too,” he whimpered before burying his face in his boyfriend's chest again.

  
They sat there for a little while longer before Roman broke the silence again. “Have you eaten anything, love?”

  
Virgil shook his head. “Don’t wanna”

  
“That’s okay love. Will you drink some water for me?”

  
Virgil nodded and pulled his half-full water bottle off the nightstand. He sipped at it as Roman continued to hold him.

  
After about 10 episodes of the cartoon, Virgil reached into his nightstand drawer and pulled out a pack of fruit snacks. He ripped it open and stared down at the gummies inside. Slowly he grabbed a peach, set it on his tongue, and closed his mouth before setting the rest of the bag down and laying back against Roman. Things were as close as they were going to get to okay.


End file.
